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| My Trailstar in Glen Tilt in her more youthful days |
If you read the masterly blog of Alan Sloman , a veteran TGO Challenger, then you will
know that he has got himself a new mistress called Trinnie. It was a lightening romance. Wanda, his old flame, is no longer on the
scene. I am too polite to ask him why. He had a brief flirtation this time last year
with one of Martin Rye's cast offs. But
the last few weeks has seen him first court, then walk out with, and finally fall
head over heels for Trinnie. Trinnie
is a dark skinned, American beauty who goes under the surname of
Trailstar. She is tall, elegant and
shapely, although she does take up quite a lot of space, and as a result she makes a real statement wherever she goes. Alan knows how to show an American girl who
has come to live this side of the pond a good time, and has already taken her to several wonders of the United Kingdom – Windsor Great Park, Scotland and the
Lake District.
Alan took
Trinnie with him on last weekend’s three day Pre-Walk Daunder in the Lakes. I was kindly invited along, and hope to give my version of
events on this blog shortly.
This meant that I could see Trinnie in the flesh rather than just in
photos. I am ashamed to admit that over
the course of three days I rather fell for her.
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| Trinnie stands tall and proud on the right here as Alan enters her on his knees whilst Aktos and Comps flap and billow |
I know that I
have been highly critical of the Trailstar family in the past, having had a
brief fling with one of Trinnie’s older sisters. I complained regularly to all who would
listen that she was just not the right size for a tall chap such as me. She didn’t keep my feet warm and dry at
night. Then I bought her a slinky new handmade undergarment, the Oookstar, but still she made me sleep with my
knees slightly bent, and I soon relegated her to the back bedroom where I keep stuff I have little use for. She was replaced with a
dumpier, wider, more practical model, also American, a daughter of Henry
Shires of Scarptent.
Alan’s
infatuation and frequent singing of Trinnie’s charms, however, has made me think of
these girls in a new way. The Daunder
saw much wind and a fair amount of rain.
I needed to cook inside my porch for three days. This is, of course, neither fun nor
particularly safe, and quite sordid when you spill half of a semi-rehydrated
meal in the cramped space. Alan and
Trinnie, meanwhile, were holding wild parties, Trinnie entertaining as many as
five men and one woman on the Saturday evening.
Rather too intimate? Possibly, but how many others could do that?
I silently began to covet Alan’s new girl. Which is less sinful, I might add, than coveting my neighbour's ass.
So I have
sheepishly been into the back bedroom.
Trinnie’s elder sister has been taken out. She has been on the scales again, and has
reminded me how much more sylph like she is than the dumpy Scarp. She is at this moment enjoying the evening sunshine out in the back
garden. I lay next to her this
afternoon, and have tried to convince myself that I am not too tall for a
comfortable night with her. True, her skin
is somewhat grey and wrinkly after being kept inside so long, and she is
looking slightly saggy today, but that is my fault not hers. With a bit of practice I am sure I can help
her get that elegant, carefree look of old.
And so I gaze at her and contemplate, and think of what might be….
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| A coy view of her rear...... |
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| ....and now a brazen full frontal |
Take the old girl out, she deserves better.
ReplyDeleteI think she does, Alan. I am agonising over the decision.
DeleteGive her another go locally and see how she goes. She might be joining the tanned Trinnie and the Sunshine coloured Treeza on the Chally.
ReplyDeleteYes,, Andy, she may need a practice run. May try to take her up the Berwyns. So to speak.
DeleteTake her, Big Boy!
ReplyDeleteIf the worst comes to the worst, you can always sleep along the length of the Trailstar, with your head and shoulders in the OookStar. All your gear could be in the nest and you would sleep draught-free in palatial style. I tried that on the last night of the Daunder - it worked beautifully.
:-)
By the way - that's Lord Elpus doing the Trailstar Crawl - you can tell by the god-awful purple Crocs...
DeleteAn excellent, idea of yours, Alan. Although if Mr and Mrs Midge appear early this year that would be a no no.
DeleteI hadn't spotted those purple crocs in that photo. Phil must have been sneeking in to get at your whisky
Enjoy the crawl, the cramped nights sleep and muddy knees getting in-and-out. Then you'll think "why, oh why did I not take the Scarp". Yea, I told you so. Tracksterman did not get a Trailstar for a reason. He is like you TALL. I sold my Trailstar for a reason. I'm TALL like you and got fed up crawling. Don't listen to the midgets :)
ReplyDeleteMy head says you are right - but I do want to like the Trailstar. So many positives about it - and one big negative.
DeletePS, I also got fed up with no door, and apart form that and the crawling it's the 2nd best shelter I've ever used.
ReplyDeleteI am ok about the door as I would take the Oookstar - and yes, I know your views on nests in Trailstars!!! Even with the nest still 500gr lighter than the Scarp. Think it will be a last minute decision.
DeleteThere is a door, of course - the door of the Oookstar. The rest is magnificent porch space.
DeleteYou've been doing it all wrong!
:-)
And the inner fits me comfortably - and I'm six feet tall. - You just need to pitch her properly, Martin.
:-)
"Yawn", .....Now where were we? Oh, I know. The old 500g saved thing. Ok take less kit, take lighter trekking poles, and the fact you pitch the Scarp with less stakes = bugger all in it. Please, don't make me write a post proving i'm right. I've got a long assignment to write this weekend as it is. "SCARP" End off. Don't let me say "I told you so" :)
DeleteI pitched my old TS perfectly. Still brushed the sides, still crawled in, still crunched up under it, unable to sit up straight in it pitched low in bad weather. Yea, no door did allow for nice views, and rain to blow in. But heck, it's so light, so good in the wind. For that its ace.
DeleteShame you lads using inners need a good large footprint space to pitch, But old Gordon Green needs a bivy sized shape, and can then fit his TS, like I did around the rocks and tussock ;)
Inners do I expect keep the cold wind off you under it. Those severe cat cuts do allow it to pitch tight, but also creates a wind tunnel. But I do say in the wind nothing beats it for the weight. Porch is huge, and allows the rain in as mentioned. The inner space is not easy to reach into corners like my Mid is. But apart from that it's superb kit.
I love saying "I told you so" to people, so it would be a social service giving you the chance to say it to me :-). I very much enjoyed saying that to AS after his efforts to find a suitable wild camp spot on the Daunder - it was easy for me having been in that very spot twice before in the previous 3 weeks.
DeleteDon't listen to any of em.
ReplyDeleteJust do what you want.
Martin loved his TS until he got divorced from it.
We height challenged folk think they are excellent.
Muddy knees? Pah!
I fell in a bloody bog to my thighs following bloody Sloman down by Skiddaw House.
BUT.. NOT a mention of the Fine Helga Hex?
Yeah OK. If the TS is too short so is Helga.
But she kept me warm at night I can tell you.
And she is bomber!
Hi Andy
DeleteHelga Hex? I am NOT spending anymore money on shelters - have Akto, Scarp 1 and Trailstar which should keep me going until all I need is my coffin :-)
I may do another overnight in next fortnight, take the TS and think some more. But all this agonising is bl**dy stupid. I used to be decisive. I think.
Andy, Hex is nice, then Mids are nice as you can sit up in them without brushing the wet sides of your shelter, unlike a TS.....but also you can get into them without crawling. The reason the Hex is growing on you: is your knees ache less, you have no mud on your knees getting in to the Hex. Yep, "Midlife" is a good life :)
DeleteDear Lord Above!
DeleteMuddy knees?
Try Wickes Seasonal Double Glazing film, cut to shape and hemmed and eyeleted. Four x 1g titanium pegs holds it in place perfectly. No touching the sides, either, with an OookStar.
As I said - You're doing it wrong, sir!.
It's all about campcraft.
"Lord Above" - Heck, we will have the TS ten commandments next: Thou shalt pitch at 120cm, Thou shalt honour the maker Rob Bell, Thou shalt use a Oook inner, Thou shalt use V stakes from Clam Cleats, Thou shalt hold whisky tasting session init, Thou shalt not covert Sixmoons designs shelters, Thou shalt not let others TS down, whilst they sleep hungover in them at Montrose campsite, Thou shalt not pitch a TS without usingWickes Seasonal Double Glazing film, cut to shape and hemmed and eyeleted. Four x 1g titanium pegs holds it in place perfectly says the one sent to show the way :) - I will let you finish them off. Wickes Seasonal Double Glazing film - really? What next we ask ? ;)
ReplyDeleteGoodness me boys, "calm down, calm down", (said by me in an impersonation of Harry Enfiled impersonating a scouse accent).
DeleteWe are calm. Note lots of :) and ;) all in the best possible taste. BTW, insert Ron Bell for Rob Bell. My bad :) and feel free to add more.
ReplyDeleteAnyway I am led to believe Wickes Seasonal Double Glazing film is on offer this bank holiday weekend, that is if if you are planning to use it for the Challenge and need to get some :)
Will take a tiny piece to go in the porch of my Scarp 1. You ought to buy one of these -superb tent ;-). Seriously, if you want one again why not make @munro277 an offer? He has one but always appears to use his Trailstar!
Delete