Size Matters

I suggest you do not read on if you are offended by student rag mags or other school boy type humour. Do students sell rag mags anymore? I once sold dozens in Shrewsbury one Saturday back in 1976 or 1977.  The next week the headline on the front page of the Shrewsbury Chronicle was "Police Probe Obscene Mag Claims".  Oh how we all laughed. I still have a copy of that magazine and it still makes me snigger.

A little while back Mrs Fellbound was watching television with the nice teenage girl who lives with us. I say the nice teenage girl who lives with us because that is how I thought of her when I first married Mrs F.  After being married for some weeks, and having interrogated Mrs F with some incisive questioning  (eg "just who is that nice teenage girl who sleeps in our spare room?") I discovered that she is not just any old teenager who had decided to move in to our house but is actually my step daughter. I was rather relieved when I learnt that, because I had been worried that she might start organising raves  and things in my study. For those of you who, like me, are well over 50, I should explain that a rave is what we used to call a party, but without Party 7s and packs of 20 Benny Hedgehogs and a pooled record collection, but with added people and illicit substances and music that you can't sing along with.

Anyway Mrs F and Miss F were watching Call the Midwife or some such, which, incidentally, is not my idea of pleasant Sunday evening viewing.  I have only watched this programme a few times.  Indeed, before then I had assumed that Broken Waters must be a place on a Native American reservation in the mid west of the US of A, but Miranda Hart's unbelievable character, in which she impersonates Joyce Grenfell, put me right on that.  Unfortunately.  There are some things middle aged men do not need to know.

I digress. Not wanting the graphic details of child birth to spoil my Sunday evening, I popped up to the bedroom, got my equipment out and started to check it was all in good working order. as I plan to use it a few times this year if Mrs F will let me.  By now it was 9 o'clock so I called her up to seek her advice.

"It is plainly too small" she said.  Now, if I hadn't known better I would have thought there might have been a bit of a sneer in her voice.

"But I reckon if I get the technique right it will be ok", I replied.  "I shall practice".

"Look", Mrs F, retorted, " when you have a hard day ahead of you the last thing you want is to be faffing about with something that small first thing in the morning. It will take you ages to get it in, and if it's wet you have no chance. Trust me. Size does matter."

Well as you can imagine I was pretty down hearted by this time, but Mrs F then put on her kindly voice, the one that she reserves for small children and elderly relatives who are getting a little confused.  She told me that she had seen just the thing on the Internet. She would order some and she reckoned that it would all be sorted well before the 2014 TGO Challenge.

Well Mrs F has now done her stuff and I am, indeed, 'well sorted'.  What I simply can not understand, however, is why it is that so many tent manufacturers make their stuff sacks for their tents so small.  It is absolutely straightforward rolling the tent up and putting it away when it is spanking new and you have just checked it out on the sitting room floor.  But try repeating that when there is a wind blowing and it's tipping it down and you are kneeling on the heather or in a rapidly forming bog.  My superb Tarptent Scarp 1 was let down by this fault.  We couldn't find a supplier of silnylon in the UK to make the new bag, but purchased some rip stop nylon from Pennine Outdoors. It is a little heavier than the original bag but at least I will not have to fight with the thing on a Scottish hillside this May.

As Mrs F made it I shall not provide instructions. It is only a bag, after all, much though it is appreciated by me. But I believe "Knit 1, Pearl 1" came in to it somewhere.

Now that's what I call a tent bag

Mardale Lives!

A grey and grizzly Haweswater

It was grey and grizzly in the Penrith area when I woke today.  The weather forecast, not good for the Lakes, was best for the east of the National Park.  So I packed my day sack and Hyperpup and I set off to drive down to Haweswater.  If the weather looked reasonable we would head up Kidsty Pike and High Street; if not we would pootle around low down.

The road from Penrith to Haweswater is a joy if you are not in a hurry.  I love the hamlets and villages along here – Askham, Helton,  Butterwick and Bampton.  Askham and Bampton still boast pubs, with the one at Bampton, the Mardale Inn proudly advertising “we never close”.  One day I may put that to the test.

It must be a year since I last drove along the valley.  The reservoir is quite low at the moment and the scarred, shingle banks seek, but fail, to detract from the hillsides above.  The golden fellsides at this time of year are just too overwhelmingly beautiful to be defeated by the insensitive work of those who planned the death of this valley.  The remains of the dry stone walls that enclosed the fields of Mardale, before the dam was built and the village drowned, were visible in places, a trigger for sadness and reflection of what this place must have been like 80 years ago.  If you want a flavour of the trauma and emotion that the coming of the dam caused you could do worse than read the lovely prizewinning novel ‘Haweswater’ by Sarah Hall.  It tells the story of a Mardale girl who fell in love with one of the engineers working on the dam.  That plot may sound a bit hackneyed but it really is a good read.

 

Looking back along the path by the western side of Haweswater

We arrived at the car park at the head of the lake.  Only the second car there today.  The wind had strengthened now and was very gusty; the rain, fortunately only drizzle, and not continuous, was near horizontal at times.  The cloud was very low and the base never rose above 400 or 500m.  This was a day for us to stay low.  I have had my share of clag and poor visibility on the hills, but I am now free from the pressures of peak bagging and my nearness to the fells mean that I can be more selective and less masochistic in my choice of routes.

Looking back to Rough Crag - a fine way up High Street. Note the old walls of Mardale disappearing into the reservoir

More drowned fields

So we took the path along the west side of the lake.  I have walked the first part of this shoreline many times on the way to High Street or Kidsty Pike.  Today was the first time I have gone further than Riggindale and the turn up to Kidsty.  It was wet.  It was muddy and stony.  It was boggy in places and Hyperpup learnt a messy lesson that bogs and small border collies don’t mix.  Mind you, he looked like a real rough, tough farm dog after that experience.  He also learnt that if you so much as look at a sheep you get nagged and bawled at but if you are quick you can still get a mouthful of sheep dung whilst the old git is taking a photograph.  We returned the way we came.  Not much more to say, other than here are some more photos taken with my very sophisticated Box Brownie.

A pristine Hyperpup before the incident with the bog

Muddied but undaunted

Haweswater with Harter Fell in the clag

 

Haweswater

Looking back to Mardale Waters

Pimp My Rucksack

I am horribly jealous of bloggers who get free gear to review.  I have never been offered free gear.  Let’s be frank.  I would love to be offered free gear.  Why hide it?  Which of us wouldn’t?  This blog post is therefore a naked attempt to get sent free kit.  When the incisiveness of my views and writing is seen, when the extent of my discerning and trend setting, influential readership is understood, I will be flooded with lovely stoves, soft shell, hard shell, boots, tent pegs and other shiny items to try out.

So why haven't I been sent free stuff up until now?  Perhaps it’s because manufacturers think my blog is rubbish.  Perhaps it doesn’t get enough readership.  Perhaps I am not regarded as competent to pass a judgement on their kit.  Perhaps no-one out there has ever heard of me.  Probably all these things!

But let me tell you, I could put on a new jacket and walk down to town in it, even if it were raining, and then pass comments on its merits or otherwise. I could put up a new tent and examine it in my back garden.  Crikey, if I got a free tent I might even be prepared to lug it up Wansfell Pike to photograph it with my Kodak Instamatic.

So I have decided to show all the gear heads out there that I too have lots of stuff.  Some of it has been used more than once and I have an opinion on it.  As with all mere mortals ie those not called Chris Townsend or John Manning, my experience of other products for comparative purposes is relatively limited so all of what follows could be complete crap.  Could be?  You decide.

So here goes, Fellbound’s own light touch, in-depth, scientifically dead dodgy, self-opinionated views on some bits of kit that he owns.  These are based on 40 years of experience of bumbling about semi-competently on the hills.  Obviously, all the stuff reviewed below was bought with my own money because, as I implied, the bastards that make it will not send me any for free.

If any reader wants to send this on to any contacts at Berghaus, Rab, Vango, Evernew, Tarp Tent, Rohan, PHD, MLD, Clam Cleats (I love tent pegs I do), Inov8, Brasher, Paramo,  North Face or the like, do not hesitate.  Send me some free stuff you swine.  And being well over 6 foot tall I will do something that the likes of Chris T. cannot do. I will specialise in reviews “for the taller man”.

Some of my kit reviewed

Optimus Primus Express Stove.  You light it, it heats up your water quickly, it weighs about 90 grams.  Nuff said.

Evernew 900ml titanium pot: Light, tough and used by Chris Townsend since he were a lad. Nuff said.

Light My Fire Steel:  It sparks almost every time and it lights your gas stove.  Nuff said.

Plastic spork: You can eat your food with it.  It melts if you get it too hot.  Nuff said.

Tent pegs:  I have some blue ones, some gold ones and some red ones.  The red ones bend.  The gold ones are not made of real gold unfortunately.  They all hold my tent up.   The blue ones set my steely blue-grey eyes off nicely.

ULA Catalyst Pack.  A pack must have two attributes. It must be a comfortable carry and it must have space for all your gear.  Everything else is belts and whistles.  In many cases literally.  I am very tall (6 foot 3 inches) and the Catalyst is the only pack I have owned this side of 1975 which has a hip belt that sits on my hips and so takes some of the weight.  So I love it.  It leaks like a sieve, mind, and it would be improved with a zip fastened outer pocket, and would also be better if there weren't large strap holes in the side water bottle pockets which thus allow small items to fall out.

Osprey Talon 33.  Holds all my day stuff and will take my winter gear too.  Can’t fault it except for the high hip belt (see above).  And not too heavy.  It's had a lot of wear and is getting past it now.  Please can Osprey send me a new one to test?

Hilleberg Akto:  Nuff already said about this tent by everyone else.

Tarp Tent Scarp 1.  I have only used this for one night so my opinion is utterly worthless.  But here it is.  Quite simply, anyone want to buy my Akto?  Roomy, decent headroom, the taller end struts mean that tall people aren’t sleeping with the inner on their face.  But why the guylines are so short is beyond me.  And I agree with Robin at blogpackinglight.wordpress.com about the zip.   Rather than being J shaped, an inverted T zip would be much better.  Also, the inside pockets are pathetically small.  And the ties that are supposed to hold the inner doors open don’t do this properly.

MLD Trailstar:  Yes it’s massive.  Yes it has won every award under the sun short of the George Cross.  But if you are over 6 foot tall it’s over hyped crap, absolute crap.  My feet are always sticking outside under the sides by the morning, and I either wake up wrapped around the centre trekking pole or my face is right in the dripping wet, low angled sides.  And usually both.  Further, is it possible to get in and out without getting a soaking back from the internal running condensation?  Yes it is, but only if you crawl out on your belly like a snake.  So I always have soggy back syndrome when using it.  I’d sell it, but it may be better than a tent when Hyperpup is a little older and comes out backpacking with me.

Neo Air Xlite sleeping mat.  When did Lilos become so expensive? My first Neo Air Xlite, a regular size, failed after 3 nights.  Blessing in disguise,   Cotswold Outdoors agreed I could have an exchange and pay the extra for the large size rather than the regular.  Much better if you are tall and I would highly recommend this.  Worth the small weight penalty.  Now waiting for this one to fail on me. 

PHD Down Minimus Jacket with Dri Shell and Hood.  My birthday present the year before last.  It’s very snuggly and let's face it we all secretly like snuggly stuff.  I love it, except it’s too short in the body and sleeves despite being XL size.  Do PHD base their sizing on Japanese men?  Just after it arrived PHD started offering a more customised measure yourself version, but I can’t justify the cost of changing it.  Bugger.

Rab Sleeping Bags:  I own more than I should ie 3 of them.  The Neutrino 400 Endurance (semi-waterproof shell) is possibly the most versatile, as with extra layers it can do for most of the UK winter but is not too hot in summer.  So if you can only get one decent bag this is for you.  The blue colour sets off my eyes nicely too.

Footwear:  Why do reviewers bother to refer to boots and shoes as being a “good fit”?  Useless information.  We all have different shaped feet.  I own some Scarpa Gore-tex lined leather boots and had similar from a different maker before these.  Never, ever, again.  The liners fail and then they are awful.  If buying boots I would get traditional leather like I always used to use.  With regular proofing such boots usually kept my feet dry in my first 35 years of hill walking trips.  Now, La Sportiva Raptor trail shoes do me very nicely on many walks.  These grip like a limpet (I think somebody else used the expression "stick like dog shit on your shoe" but that is so vulgar).  However, with trail shoes you have to get used to the looks of disapproval from people in big boots when out on the hill.  The black and yellow Raptors also attract love sick bumble bees.

Hard Shell:  I have a range (ie 2) of Berghaus Gore-tex Jackets, and have owned others previously. I think all the debate and hype about the different types of Gore-tex over eggs the differences.  I have kept reasonably dry in all that I have owned.  I currently tend to wear a Berghaus Paclite jacket which is just fine in the conditions I experience. The Paclite trousers are the dog's dangly bits.  Light, pack small, keep your legs dry.  What more can be asked?

I also own two Paramo waterproofs.  I do not dare express an opinion on these otherwise a lynch mob may turn up, whether I comment favourably or not.

Rohan Merino 200 Long Sleeved Zip Base Layer.  I love it.  And it was perfect until Martin Rye wrote in a tweet (@Rye1966) that he hates merino as it gets soggy.  I hadn’t noticed until I read that, but now I do.  Every trip it is soaking. Still love it. I have a blue one and a red one.  The blue one sets my eyes off nicely. 

Smart Wool Socks:  People swear by them.  I chucked mine out yesterday after only 3 wears. They had stretched horribly, the heel bit was half way up my ankle and I had my first blister in over 20 years wearing them.  The pair I had were clearly the work of the devil. And that devil is one nasty creature, I can tell you.

Now send me some nice gear please.

(“That’s enough about gear, you could bore for England you could.”  Ed.)

Day 2 Trip Report of a walk in the North Western Fells: Banana skins and wise words

Early morning brew near Launchy Tarn

Trip stats

Distance: 14km

Height: 971m climbed; 1394 descended

Duration: 7 hours 20 minutes

Wainwright Count: 4 

Second brew of the day

I awoke just before 6.00am and indulged myself by brewing tea whilst lying in my sleeping bag, at the same time watching the sombre grey sky and damp moorland through the open door of the Scarp 1.  Drinking tea like this is one of the great pleasures of spending a night out in the hills.  Breakfast was instant porridge, a cereal bar and more tea.  After this leisurely start I was walking by 8.30am.
 

My initial destination was to be the top of Dale Head.  I debated with myself whether to contour round through heather and bog to meet the path up the hill from Honister, or to drop down, losing quite a bit of height, to the decent path up from Dale Head Tarn.  I chose the latter, and thus within 15 minutes or so of downhill heathery tussocks I was on the steep grind of an uphill slope.  Hillsides always seem steeper to me first thing in the morning when there has been no gentle lead in.  On the way up I stopped to play with my recently acquired birthday present, a Suunto Core watch, and switched it to altitude mode.  I hadn’t calibrated it, so was really pleased to arrive at the summit much earlier than I had expected as its readings were out by almost 100 metres.  At the top I could set it correctly from the map and it proved of great amusement value for the rest of the day.

Summit cairn on Dale Head

 

Dale Head has a magnificent cairn on the top but the potentially superb views from here were limited today because of the clag.  Dale Head is much understated and underrated as a mountain but the walk along the edge to Hindscarth and Robinson is splendid.  That was part of my very first proper walk in the Lakes, which I did with a group of friends from the school Combined Cadet Force in a very hot Easter week in 1973 or 1974.  This ridge wasn’t my objective today, and instead I dropped down the easy path to Honister as the sun started to break through.  I headed to the café at the slate mines.  What on earth are the owners thinking of putting up their terrible bright orange garish sign?  The slate mine is an eyesore, but an understandable one that has provided employment to local people for very many years.  The sign, though, is inexcusable.  And whilst I have previously enjoyed the mine tour a couple of times I do wish they would make more of the rather dismal café.  How about some decent cakes for a kick off?  And does the mug of tea have to come with a tea bag floating in it?  Personally, I prefer a tea pot and extra hot water.  Much better for rehydration!

 

Yes, they make signs too, but how about using a tasteful green colour?

Honister Hause is often regarded as a cheat’s start to a day on the hills as it knocks about 300m off the climb.  I have no problem with that, but anyway today I had already done one fell. The direct route up to Grey Knotts is still a tough slog from here with a backpacking load, and I definitely felt this in both lungs and legs.  It starts steep but gradually the gradients ease.  The top is a pleasing jumble of rocky outcrops. I am never certain which is the highest point, but today I went to that furthest west and had glorious views down to Buttermere as the sun was now winning its battle with the clouds.

 

Retrospective to Dale Head from the climb up Grey Knotts

Buttermere from Grey Knotts (Ennerdale and Crummock Water also in view)

 

A quick drop down and a short pull up took me on to the rocky top of Brandreth, followed by a rather longer descent and ascent up the slopes of Green Gable.  The cloud was, by now, well and truly back, and its menacing big brother, Great Gable, had become well enveloped and hidden from view.
 

I chatted to a couple on the summit of Green Gable.  The lady was gingerly holding a fresh banana skin between thumb and first finger like it was something covered in poison.  At this point I may have made a very unfair assumption as I surmised that this was about to be discarded.  I watched them head off from the summit and she bent over and seemed to push it between some rocks in a cairn. As she and her partner weren’t covered in tattoos and muscles I called after them “excuse me, but please do not leave that banana skin, they take years to degrade”.  With that she picked it up and pulled another old banana skin from out of the cairn, and told me she wasn’t dropping hers but picking up another one.  I hope what she said was true and I was in the wrong, but my eyes told me something different was happening.  If she was clearing litter then good on her. I make no apologies, though, for my challenge.  When we can we should make litter louts feel like the scum that they are.  And with that temperate aside I should move on.

Green Gable from Brandreth with her menacing big brother behind

 

Many British mountaineers worship at what sometimes seems to be regarded as the shrine of Great Gable but I always find it an unfriendly hill, if hills can have human characteristics. Perhaps it just scares me for reasons unknown.  It is not that hard to climb, although the path from Beck Head which I normally use for ascent is now not just steep but is also horribly loose. But it certainly would have been a hill too far for me today. 

So I dropped to Windy Gap and then down Aaron Slack towards Sty Head Tarn.  I have only been down Aaron Slack once before, again with school friends, this time at the Easter a year after my introduction to the fells, but still 40 years ago.  I remembered it as being a long, scree covered, unpleasant descent, even with the flexible bendy knees of a teenager.  My memory was spot on, although Fix the Fells have since tried to urbanise one section of it, as is their want.  I despair of that unaccountable organisation, but cannot summon up the energy to write a post about them.  I just find so much of their footpath work profoundly insensitive and depressing and in some places completely unnecessary.

 

Windy Gap between Green and Great Gable. Quite a sinister place in the mist.

 

Aaron Slack

By the time I had completed the long descent to Sty Head the wind was really starting to get up and the clag was getting wetter.  I headed up to Sprinkling Tarn, largely hidden in the mist, and then along the ‘highway’ that is the path to Esk Hause.  I planned to go over Allen Crags and camp but even though I was carrying a water filter decided to be on the safe side, and fill my water bottles from the crystal clear stream at the fords near the top of Ruddy Gill.
 

As I did so I got chatting to a couple of guys, one of whom was from the Duddon Mountain Rescue Team.  They asked my plans, and then whether I had seen the forecast.  I hadn’t.  It was for very strong winds and none stop rain over night.  Their advice was to head down to the valley and not camp high.  I hesitated briefly then took it.  My car was in Keswick, and my bed only 20 minutes from there.  I headed down to Seathwaite via Ruddy Gill and Grains Gill.  This extended my planned walk by well over an hour.  I arrived at Seatoller 15 minutes after the bus had left.  But hey, I still had the use of my thumbs, and within 5 minutes of road walking along Borrowdale I was picked up by a friendly outdoor pursuits instructor and so had the pleasure of a fish and chips supper in Keswick rather than a last freeze dried meal in my tent.

 

Grains Gill

Trip Stats from my Active 10 Satnav:
 

Distance walked:  0 km

Height:  0 metres climbed, 0 metres descended

Time taken: 0 minutes

Maximum travelling speed: 0 kmph

Note to self: Remember to turn on route tracker when using Active 10.