When I was little, my father was 5’ 8” tall. Now I am big (6’ 3”) he is several inches
shorter than he used to be. People get
shorter as they get older. I don’t know
why. For me this will have a plus
point. By the time I am in my late 90s I
reckon I will be able to sit up in my Hilleberg Akto tent when I am heating up
the water for the Ready Brek in the morning. Nor will I have to contort myself into a
hideous, hunched up shape when performing in the tent that function which most
middle aged men undertake in the middle
of the night, sometimes several times. It may also mean that I will not constantly brush the
condensation dripping sides of the over rated Trailstar. That
shelter, incidentally, is to be the subject of another blog at another time,
now that my prolonged field research (3 nights in it) is complete.
So whilst we get shorter, it is also, empirically at least, a fact that certain male
appendages actually get longer with age. Just
look at the ears of old men. They often
appear to be of an enormous length. Having
done some extensive research on this subject, which involved typing into Google the question
“do men’s ears get longer with age?”, I find that Italian scientists have now
proved that this is, indeed true. They
have discovered that the male ear will grow by about one inch in one hundred
years. Now this raises two important
questions. Firstly, why were Italian
scientists working in imperial units rather than metric? And secondly, have
Italian scientists nothing better to do with their time?
This brings me on to the matter of other male appendages
which also appear to get longer with age. I am, of course, writing about feet. Being tall, and perfectly proportioned (apart
from my nose being too big and my head too small), I have always had larger
than average sized feet. However, recent
purchases of footwear for my hill walking activities have proved
disconcerting. 30+ years ago, when I was
in my early 20s, I used to buy shoes sized 44 and walking boots sized 45. For any Italian scientists reading this I
should explain that this means size 10 or 10 and a half. Over the last 3 years I have purchased 3
pairs of expensive, size 45 trail shoes that I have given away to impoverished student
sons (I suspect they binned them once I had gone home)
as they had proved to be too small for
me. A year ago I bought a pair of Scarpa
walking boots and ended up purchasing size 47 (that means size 12, Mr
Italian). They are a perfect fit. Yesterday my new trail shoes, the discreetly coloured La
Sportiva Raptors arrived, courtesy of the Royal Mail. These, too, were in size 47 and seem to be a good fit. This can only mean
one of two things. Either shoe
manufacturers have altered their lasts and sizing policies; or my feet have got
bigger.
Now any reader with a forensic mind will be seeing some
linkages here. Scientists involved – Italian. La Sportiva Shoes – Italian.
Scarpa boots – Italian. If I was paranoid
or a racist I might form a hypothesis that the Italians were playing mind
games with British hill walkers. This
could be some Latin inspired plot to lower our self-esteem and make us think
that we have over large and unstylish feet to go with our ill-fitting Next and
Marks and Spencer clothes, and our poor personal hygiene. But my first ever proper mountain boots,
those size 45s, purchased when the old Tuff Workboots were no longer deemed up-to-the-job,
were made by the then popular boot manufacturer Dolomite. Also Italian.
So I can only conclude that my feet, as well as my ears, are growing with
time. I feel an experiment coming
on. I am off to measure and record the
length of my fingers.
(I am sure that all readers will be gratified that I did not use any personal photographs to illustrate this post)
