Friday 22 April 2016

A Copyright Warning: Danger of death or at the very least boils in your armpits

As my beloved readers may be aware, it is well known in the best literary circles that in the next few months I will become a highly acclaimed new novelist.  It is my intention that the income from my pensmanship will make JK Rowling's look like that of a benefits claimant who has recently had their disability living allowance re-assessed by Yurfitandelffyenuftowork PLC.

I have realised that this will inevitably mean that my blog posts will become of great monetary as well as literary value. Thus, this is to warn any would be plagiarists that I have asserted my copyright of all such blog posts and photographs. Furthermore, I have instructed my solicitors, Messrs Skullcracker, Knuckleduster and Flicknife that they are to show no mercy as they tear the shirt off the back, then make destitute and homeless, any miscreant who steals my written work or photography (ie pretty pictures). They will then suffer slow starvation, so sending them to an early, bleak and maggot ridden pauper's grave outwith consecrated ground.

8 comments:

  1. Have Messrs Skullcracker, Knuckleduster and Flickknife considered the copyright that I and 300 other TGO'rs hold on encriminating photographs of your good self getting up to no good in wild places?

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    1. As the man who taught you all you know about Primula Cheese I am disappointed to receive this thinly veiled threat. If necessary I shall seek a super injunction to prevent their use in England and Wales.

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  2. I have lodged all my photographs of you 'enjoying' Challenge activities with my solicitors, Messrs Duckweed, Eggblow & Bloodsucker of Grimswitchdyke, along with an affedavit declaring my copyright of said photographs.
    Unless you hereby promise to buy me a pint of finest ale at our next meeting I shall, without prejudice, sulk.

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    1. Hello JJ
      Good to hear from you. Did you know that Messrs Duckweed et al have the reputation of not being able to litigate themselves out of a wet paper bag? But I'm a kindly soul and would love to buy you pint when we next meet.
      Incidentally, in case your solicitors really exist I would like to add the word "allegedly" before my comment about their legal prowess.

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  3. i hear that their secretary is called miss ballcrusher :-)

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    1. I crossed my legs when I read that Chris.

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  4. I believe that the suggestion that Primula Cheese is an appropriate alternative to the expensive Gewohl foot cream was mine and now it seems to have been appropriated ('As the man who taught you all you know about Primula Cheese..'). I have instructed my solicitors Soo, Grabbit and Runne to take the appropriate steps to protect my intellectual property.

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    1. Hmmmm. I seem to recall, Ian, that you were scornful of Primula Cheese until I explained its many uses on a lunch break during a long walk from Braemar to the Shielin of Mark two years ago. At the time you were tucking in to a piece of Cheddar made in a cave by a hermit on the Isle of Mull, on an bread roll from an artisan bakery. You may recall that my Primula was being eaten on rather fine 'Old El Passo Tortilla Wraps', out of a stay fresh vacuum packed polythene wrapper, purchased from the Co-op at Braemar. It seems that not only are you a convert to Primula but you are now claiming to have invented one of its most valuable uses. So much for friendship! I never have this trouble with Johnboy, who will, I'm sure, support my version of events.

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